You know, there are some things in life that I want to share with everyone. There are some things that I want to share with someone in particular. Everyone is special to me in that way I suppose. The problem arises when I have these feelings about someone that I no longer have the practical ability to have this interaction with. It can be a bit depressing at times, but I do think it is a beautiful part of life caring about people and missing them.
It occurs to me about how people talk about the honesty of some people throwing around this "love" thing. I guess at any level. People think that many others will say it without meaning. I suppose this can be true, and I think that I am hesitant to try to defend my professions in the past, but everything inside of me tells me that it was truth. I miss everyone of the people that I used to have a special closeness too.
Existentialism, nihilism, sex, truth, beauty, love. It flows through me in as far as I can tell an irregularly high frequency. Turning off my brain through any of the various means is of course, a temporary bliss, but I think I have come to realize that it is temporary. There are bigger things than avoiding reality. I still want to believe that people try, and are for the most part, good. Understanding how the extreme emotional experiences we all have had bond us together will still be something that I will persevere with.
Generally I am happy. Busy and not without the normal social dramas occupying my thoughts (at least it is no longer homework or money!). I feel the urge everyday to have someone understand me better which I think is an important driving force in my life. I think that I finally have been able to live a lot of the ideals that I have developed over the years which is a quiet, slow, but powerful realization despite the painful decisions it forces me to make from time to time.
I am burying myself in Seattle and I am not sure how I feel about it. I would find a greater freedom very desirable but there are so many things that I have assembled around me. Friends, activities, etc.
I love you all. Seriously. And all I have to say is Fort Night '07 Baby!
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