1. If you voted for bush, why the fuck do you live on my hill?
2. Faves.com? WTF? It makes me want to stop dotting. Sad.
Friday, November 16, 2007
Monday, November 5, 2007
I heart huckabees
You know, there are some things in life that I want to share with everyone. There are some things that I want to share with someone in particular. Everyone is special to me in that way I suppose. The problem arises when I have these feelings about someone that I no longer have the practical ability to have this interaction with. It can be a bit depressing at times, but I do think it is a beautiful part of life caring about people and missing them.
It occurs to me about how people talk about the honesty of some people throwing around this "love" thing. I guess at any level. People think that many others will say it without meaning. I suppose this can be true, and I think that I am hesitant to try to defend my professions in the past, but everything inside of me tells me that it was truth. I miss everyone of the people that I used to have a special closeness too.
Existentialism, nihilism, sex, truth, beauty, love. It flows through me in as far as I can tell an irregularly high frequency. Turning off my brain through any of the various means is of course, a temporary bliss, but I think I have come to realize that it is temporary. There are bigger things than avoiding reality. I still want to believe that people try, and are for the most part, good. Understanding how the extreme emotional experiences we all have had bond us together will still be something that I will persevere with.
Generally I am happy. Busy and not without the normal social dramas occupying my thoughts (at least it is no longer homework or money!). I feel the urge everyday to have someone understand me better which I think is an important driving force in my life. I think that I finally have been able to live a lot of the ideals that I have developed over the years which is a quiet, slow, but powerful realization despite the painful decisions it forces me to make from time to time.
I am burying myself in Seattle and I am not sure how I feel about it. I would find a greater freedom very desirable but there are so many things that I have assembled around me. Friends, activities, etc.
I love you all. Seriously. And all I have to say is Fort Night '07 Baby!
It occurs to me about how people talk about the honesty of some people throwing around this "love" thing. I guess at any level. People think that many others will say it without meaning. I suppose this can be true, and I think that I am hesitant to try to defend my professions in the past, but everything inside of me tells me that it was truth. I miss everyone of the people that I used to have a special closeness too.
Existentialism, nihilism, sex, truth, beauty, love. It flows through me in as far as I can tell an irregularly high frequency. Turning off my brain through any of the various means is of course, a temporary bliss, but I think I have come to realize that it is temporary. There are bigger things than avoiding reality. I still want to believe that people try, and are for the most part, good. Understanding how the extreme emotional experiences we all have had bond us together will still be something that I will persevere with.
Generally I am happy. Busy and not without the normal social dramas occupying my thoughts (at least it is no longer homework or money!). I feel the urge everyday to have someone understand me better which I think is an important driving force in my life. I think that I finally have been able to live a lot of the ideals that I have developed over the years which is a quiet, slow, but powerful realization despite the painful decisions it forces me to make from time to time.
I am burying myself in Seattle and I am not sure how I feel about it. I would find a greater freedom very desirable but there are so many things that I have assembled around me. Friends, activities, etc.
I love you all. Seriously. And all I have to say is Fort Night '07 Baby!
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Ugh, that time of year...
I am getting sick and things are not going to calm down till what, February? :(
I am potentially getting a roommate that I met for 5 minutes in two weeks, awesome (kinda). So I have to clean the apartment and get my shit together.
Robotics is going full swing again and we are still in the preseason. I somewhat foolishly offered to let one of the kids cut my hair if they got a $500 donation, well that quickly got out of hand - two other people matched the $500 so it was instantly a $1500 haircut and I could no longer back out. They just got the money and my head is going to be a bit chilly in the near future I fear. They are throwing a party for cutting my hair. How strange.
I had a connection with someone recently that was very much long-time coming. It was a relief if nothing else, and think valid despite any levels of intoxication. I think they are preparing for some more turmoil in their life which makes it hard to know what to say. I have to be encouraging but not too pessimistic.
Halloween is stressful. This sucks. I have a costume idea but I don't know what I would even be doing with it. I am not exactly thrilled to be going to a party that I am half welcomed and basically not invited. Seriously, wtf?
Maybe it is time for FIRST to kick in taking 20+ hours a week (escape), IDk.
I am potentially getting a roommate that I met for 5 minutes in two weeks, awesome (kinda). So I have to clean the apartment and get my shit together.
Robotics is going full swing again and we are still in the preseason. I somewhat foolishly offered to let one of the kids cut my hair if they got a $500 donation, well that quickly got out of hand - two other people matched the $500 so it was instantly a $1500 haircut and I could no longer back out. They just got the money and my head is going to be a bit chilly in the near future I fear. They are throwing a party for cutting my hair. How strange.
I had a connection with someone recently that was very much long-time coming. It was a relief if nothing else, and think valid despite any levels of intoxication. I think they are preparing for some more turmoil in their life which makes it hard to know what to say. I have to be encouraging but not too pessimistic.
Halloween is stressful. This sucks. I have a costume idea but I don't know what I would even be doing with it. I am not exactly thrilled to be going to a party that I am half welcomed and basically not invited. Seriously, wtf?
Maybe it is time for FIRST to kick in taking 20+ hours a week (escape), IDk.
Monday, October 8, 2007
Ahh I have mobile music once again!
Regina:
This is how it works
You're young until you're not
You love until you don't
You try until you can't
You laugh until you cry
You cry until you laugh
And everyone must breathe
Until their dying breath
No, this is how it works
You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like
And try to love the things you took
And then you take that love you made
And stick it into some
Someone else's heart
Pumping someone else's blood
And walking arm in arm
You hope it don't get harmed
But even if it does
You'll just do it all again
Postal Service:
I was waiting for a cross-town train in the London underground when it struck me
That I've been waiting since birth to find a love that would look and sound like a movie
So I changed my plans and rented a camera and a van and then I called you
"I need you to pretend that we are in love again" and you agreed to
I want so badly to believe that "there is truth, that love is real"
And I want life in every word to the extent that it's absurd
I greased the lens and framed the shot using a friend as my stand-in
The script it called for rain but it was clear that day so we faked it
The marker snapped and I yelled "quiet on the set" and then called "action!"
And I kissed you in a style that Clark Gable would have admired (I thought it classic)
I want so badly to believe that "there is truth, that love is real"
And I want life in every word to the extent that it's absurd
I know you're wise beyond your years, but do you ever get the fear
That your perfect verse is just a lie you tell yourself to help you get by?
This is how it works
You're young until you're not
You love until you don't
You try until you can't
You laugh until you cry
You cry until you laugh
And everyone must breathe
Until their dying breath
No, this is how it works
You peer inside yourself
You take the things you like
And try to love the things you took
And then you take that love you made
And stick it into some
Someone else's heart
Pumping someone else's blood
And walking arm in arm
You hope it don't get harmed
But even if it does
You'll just do it all again
Postal Service:
I was waiting for a cross-town train in the London underground when it struck me
That I've been waiting since birth to find a love that would look and sound like a movie
So I changed my plans and rented a camera and a van and then I called you
"I need you to pretend that we are in love again" and you agreed to
I want so badly to believe that "there is truth, that love is real"
And I want life in every word to the extent that it's absurd
I greased the lens and framed the shot using a friend as my stand-in
The script it called for rain but it was clear that day so we faked it
The marker snapped and I yelled "quiet on the set" and then called "action!"
And I kissed you in a style that Clark Gable would have admired (I thought it classic)
I want so badly to believe that "there is truth, that love is real"
And I want life in every word to the extent that it's absurd
I know you're wise beyond your years, but do you ever get the fear
That your perfect verse is just a lie you tell yourself to help you get by?
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
ludicrous speed
Dating is expensive. Is it that a person becomes that much more active or is it kind of an artificial need for formality in going out to eat or things like that? Probably a combination but I need to budget a bit better... or get a better job... or a roomate :/
Suddenly it feels like the important things in my life are summed up in a handfull of concepts/points/ideas. Is it not more complicated than this? Have I really created a generic litmus test that can so immediately dictate an interaction with someone? I think time still plays a factor but it is amazing how irrelevent it has become - whether it is a couple of months or a couple of weeks (and maybe, but hopefully not a couple of years).
The Red Bull soapbox races were a blast. There was an incredible turn out despite it being rainy-bad weather. A fire engine drove down the street in the middle of the course either not knowing the course would be there, or needing to get through anyway. Within maybe a minute maximum, the firefighters jumped out of the truck and the audience broke the course dragging the rails and bails of hay in a frenzy of help so the truck could drive through, and then almost instantly returned the course to its previous state. It was kind of amazing to witness. By far the most expensive polished design crashed in one of the shortest amounts of time :) I ate a ton of kettle corn :/
Some things in life still challenge me. It is wonderful and beautiful in its own, hard to appreciate way. It is nice to get a glimpse into someone even after I had believed it was a forgone possibility.
Suddenly it feels like the important things in my life are summed up in a handfull of concepts/points/ideas. Is it not more complicated than this? Have I really created a generic litmus test that can so immediately dictate an interaction with someone? I think time still plays a factor but it is amazing how irrelevent it has become - whether it is a couple of months or a couple of weeks (and maybe, but hopefully not a couple of years).
The Red Bull soapbox races were a blast. There was an incredible turn out despite it being rainy-bad weather. A fire engine drove down the street in the middle of the course either not knowing the course would be there, or needing to get through anyway. Within maybe a minute maximum, the firefighters jumped out of the truck and the audience broke the course dragging the rails and bails of hay in a frenzy of help so the truck could drive through, and then almost instantly returned the course to its previous state. It was kind of amazing to witness. By far the most expensive polished design crashed in one of the shortest amounts of time :) I ate a ton of kettle corn :/
Some things in life still challenge me. It is wonderful and beautiful in its own, hard to appreciate way. It is nice to get a glimpse into someone even after I had believed it was a forgone possibility.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
I am a bad blogger
I am very, very happy about my new black socks.
The bus tunnel is open again. It gives me a very strong feeling of nostalgia being down there - it feels like it has been forever.
The social scene is as expected (crazier than ever). A lot of acquaintances becoming friends and more, and having new hideouts around town where I can feel at home are always appreciated. There will always be turmoil and a healthy dose of pain once and a while, but thats just a part life and is to be appreciated in its own way.
I have played more dig-dug and pacman in the last week or so then I would have ever thought possible since the old atari console. Awesome.
Public art is my new obsession. It is off to a good start as I have been doing a lot of rock stacking and sculptures on the beaches and river shores of Washington state. It is a very satisfying and fun activity. Golden gardens (hopefully with a bon fire) will be the next target - hopefully sometime soon.
FIRST is ramping up again and its about time! There is plenty of work to do, and I am excited. There are new people in my life though who I think don't yet understand that I disappear for 6 weeks every January. It will be tough as usual, but I have survived alright so far ;) I am glad to hear the LHS program will survive, and it looks like we will be starting some lego league teams in the future. Yay!
The bus tunnel is open again. It gives me a very strong feeling of nostalgia being down there - it feels like it has been forever.
The social scene is as expected (crazier than ever). A lot of acquaintances becoming friends and more, and having new hideouts around town where I can feel at home are always appreciated. There will always be turmoil and a healthy dose of pain once and a while, but thats just a part life and is to be appreciated in its own way.
I have played more dig-dug and pacman in the last week or so then I would have ever thought possible since the old atari console. Awesome.
Public art is my new obsession. It is off to a good start as I have been doing a lot of rock stacking and sculptures on the beaches and river shores of Washington state. It is a very satisfying and fun activity. Golden gardens (hopefully with a bon fire) will be the next target - hopefully sometime soon.
FIRST is ramping up again and its about time! There is plenty of work to do, and I am excited. There are new people in my life though who I think don't yet understand that I disappear for 6 weeks every January. It will be tough as usual, but I have survived alright so far ;) I am glad to hear the LHS program will survive, and it looks like we will be starting some lego league teams in the future. Yay!
Monday, July 23, 2007
Thank god!
I found a reference to a Shannon Jex on facebook doing the rounds to find some old friends. Thankfully it was not what I had feared!
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Overheard conversation...
"So we updated our drug panel, retroactively to July 1st... so if you have any suspicion that someone is using those kinds of drugs you can go ahead and have them randomly tested, again"
Thought of the day...
Privacy is not about hiding a wrong.
and
It too damn hot. Seattle with a high in the upper 90's? WTF!
and
It too damn hot. Seattle with a high in the upper 90's? WTF!
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Monday, July 9, 2007
Sheesh!
So I went to applebees for lunch today. Turns out they open at 11am which was when I was planning on getting there. So when I arrived they had not yet opened with a numberr of people waiting out front.
Anyway, this black women comes to open up (like 11:05 at the latest) and opens the doors for the people to come in. Upon showing up but before she would have been within range, one person of an elderly couple also waiting to get in makes this comment. "I guess there is white time, and I guess there is nigger time"
I wanted to cry. How do people like this still exist in this country? I guess it takes time for these people to die off, but they are living a bit too long on my social security payments eating from the senior menu at applebees. I just hope their kids are intelligent enough to break the cycle of this mindless racism and bigotry.
People know where this is from, right?
Anyway, this black women comes to open up (like 11:05 at the latest) and opens the doors for the people to come in. Upon showing up but before she would have been within range, one person of an elderly couple also waiting to get in makes this comment. "I guess there is white time, and I guess there is nigger time"
I wanted to cry. How do people like this still exist in this country? I guess it takes time for these people to die off, but they are living a bit too long on my social security payments eating from the senior menu at applebees. I just hope their kids are intelligent enough to break the cycle of this mindless racism and bigotry.
People know where this is from, right?
I survived the midwest.
I am 24. It is official, I am in my mid-twenties.
I love my apartment. The money thing might get old, but having it just as I like it is wonderful.
Of course I miss val, but the social scene has picked up a bit lately.
I love board games. 10-4-3 settlers game and 3 player TI pwnage :) They want me to start playing the games they are better at, hah!
I am 24. It is official, I am in my mid-twenties.
I love my apartment. The money thing might get old, but having it just as I like it is wonderful.
Of course I miss val, but the social scene has picked up a bit lately.
I love board games. 10-4-3 settlers game and 3 player TI pwnage :) They want me to start playing the games they are better at, hah!
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Morning Commute
So I was waiting for the bus in capitol hill at 620am this morning when a nice looking young woman drove by in her bmw. Down the street about 100ft she pulled over, got out and walked up to me. She offered me some religious booklet for something to do while waiting for the bus. I declined and she happily went on her way getting back into her car and driving off. Despite the usual obnoxious interaction with anything to do with religious propaganda, this was quite pleasant.
Further along my journey, waiting for the bus downtown I have noticed a lady that is there frequently at the same time as I am. She walks over, stands directly in the middle of the local puddle that has usually developed and proceeds to splash water onto her shoes. It has an endearing quality to the whole action, kind of a child-like innocence.
Also in unrelated news, I watched the new Michael Moore movie, SiCKO. I recommend it, but be warned it made me want to move to Canada, or basically somewhere other than here.
Further along my journey, waiting for the bus downtown I have noticed a lady that is there frequently at the same time as I am. She walks over, stands directly in the middle of the local puddle that has usually developed and proceeds to splash water onto her shoes. It has an endearing quality to the whole action, kind of a child-like innocence.
Also in unrelated news, I watched the new Michael Moore movie, SiCKO. I recommend it, but be warned it made me want to move to Canada, or basically somewhere other than here.
Saturday, June 16, 2007
Thursday, May 17, 2007
How can I talk about my life? The words would fail so miserably. Words are a failure, and everyday I am reminded of this. I am stuck in this cycle of complex decisions and life reflections.
I need someone where words do not get in the way. It has been too long since I had this existence. Nothing in my life seems to be outside of the context of this, my ultimate goal.
Val is moving, I am graduating from UW, I am quickly approaching my first real full time career type job (in Renton), and I am possibly looking for what may be my permanent residence for the next couple years. End of an era.
People are my life, and also my weakness. They are my addiction, and it pains me to see how successful people are at making themselves unhappy. People think that certain types of unhappiness and dissatisfaction are beneficial in life, that it is some necessary sacrifice to be truly happy. I think that this is tragic, and because it is a minority opinion that I have that this is absurd, I am punished. Despite my most thorough efforts I have yet to sway any one's mind on the matter. People breaking up, cheating on each other, getting hurt. There is no reason for any of this.
In other news, I saw a girl from high school that I had a big crush on back in the day. She is now happily married, but looking better than ever heh. I believe she was Mormon though, so I probably had a slim chance at best :) I have been given an opportunity to bring back some old memories lately and have still managed to make some small fool out of myself. Oh well, better than inaction.
Anyway, lets push things forward.
I need someone where words do not get in the way. It has been too long since I had this existence. Nothing in my life seems to be outside of the context of this, my ultimate goal.
Val is moving, I am graduating from UW, I am quickly approaching my first real full time career type job (in Renton), and I am possibly looking for what may be my permanent residence for the next couple years. End of an era.
People are my life, and also my weakness. They are my addiction, and it pains me to see how successful people are at making themselves unhappy. People think that certain types of unhappiness and dissatisfaction are beneficial in life, that it is some necessary sacrifice to be truly happy. I think that this is tragic, and because it is a minority opinion that I have that this is absurd, I am punished. Despite my most thorough efforts I have yet to sway any one's mind on the matter. People breaking up, cheating on each other, getting hurt. There is no reason for any of this.
In other news, I saw a girl from high school that I had a big crush on back in the day. She is now happily married, but looking better than ever heh. I believe she was Mormon though, so I probably had a slim chance at best :) I have been given an opportunity to bring back some old memories lately and have still managed to make some small fool out of myself. Oh well, better than inaction.
Anyway, lets push things forward.
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
A new...
So it has been a long time. Updates to come.
Otherwise, I am in awe of this:
The image link might not last that long, so enjoy while it lasts.
Otherwise, I am in awe of this:
The image link might not last that long, so enjoy while it lasts.
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Monday, March 12, 2007
Busy as hell
If I wasn't still recovering from the flu or whatever it was that I had I might have better survived this weekend, but overall I think I did alright.
Friday was Val's performance which was pleasant. There was a number of more technical ballet pieces that was a refreshing from more of the modern style pieces that tend to dominate.
Saturday was going to be a show at Neumo's and then the 300 at cinerama. It turned into taking an extended (but much needed and appreciated) nap until heading downtown for the movie. Sure the movie was cheesy, had gratuitous nudity and completely transparent plot lines but it was a good action flick. Racist? I'm not sure that was the intent, but some people seemed to have some problems with it. I didn't take it that seriously :)
Sunday was again a day to play catch up. Got some sleep, did some laundry (eventually) and pretended like I was ready for this week. Compline was actually a very nice end to the weekend, as it usually is. It was very calming and a great time of introspection. At St. Marks they have pictures of people and war torn Jerusalem. Some very powerful and sad imagery. I overheard a father trying to explain to his what must of been 8 year old son about genocide. I just about lost it.
I am not even going to attempt to claim I am ready for San Jose. Maybe it is better that way.
Sometimes change is hard, but necessary. Not everything in life is easy, and this is what I must force myself to understand and believe.
Friday was Val's performance which was pleasant. There was a number of more technical ballet pieces that was a refreshing from more of the modern style pieces that tend to dominate.
Saturday was going to be a show at Neumo's and then the 300 at cinerama. It turned into taking an extended (but much needed and appreciated) nap until heading downtown for the movie. Sure the movie was cheesy, had gratuitous nudity and completely transparent plot lines but it was a good action flick. Racist? I'm not sure that was the intent, but some people seemed to have some problems with it. I didn't take it that seriously :)
Sunday was again a day to play catch up. Got some sleep, did some laundry (eventually) and pretended like I was ready for this week. Compline was actually a very nice end to the weekend, as it usually is. It was very calming and a great time of introspection. At St. Marks they have pictures of people and war torn Jerusalem. Some very powerful and sad imagery. I overheard a father trying to explain to his what must of been 8 year old son about genocide. I just about lost it.
I am not even going to attempt to claim I am ready for San Jose. Maybe it is better that way.
Sometimes change is hard, but necessary. Not everything in life is easy, and this is what I must force myself to understand and believe.
Friday, March 9, 2007
Sick...
well or so the theme seems to be over the past couple days. I have not been this sick in a while. It is not all that bad - it is letting me take care of some business and clean up the apartment some. If nothing else it gives me time to think.
It feels like life is cyclical, as usual For some reason I believe that this time around I am in a good position to make the right choices, instead of letting things just continue as is in the safety of the known and my own inaction. To be or not to be lol.
The prospect of moving is coming closer to reality, and I am excited. Worried? Maybe a bit, but for some reason it just feels right. There are bigger things I worry about. I secretly love to move. It is a new start. A new opportunity to reorganize your life. How often do you get that kind of chance? It is similar to rearranging your living room or something. I knew few people can appreciate the appeal of things things (as they are also usually a general pain) but they are almost therapeutic for me at times. Just like reinstalling my computer :)
Speaking of computers, I have officially bought a apple product. No laptop or anything, but a airport extreme base station. I was fed up with the last two network routers that I bought, and the airport has the ability to host hard drives and printers on the network through a usb hub. This in addition to the 802.11n support made it unlike anything else on the market (and also exactly what I needed). Unfortunately it doesn't support NTFS which means I have to find a way to dump my two portable hdd's which also unfortunately nearly full. When all is said and done it should be awesome, despite having to admit that this post, as well as all of my online presence is now flowing through mac hardware :P Sabrina is tapping her fingers satisfied in step one of her evil plan to convert me. Just one thing to say, not until I have unlimited disposable income!!! :) Oh, and when you go to their store, they will email you a receipt instead of printing one out. How cool is that?!?!
I am starting a co-ed soccer league soon. Despite being in horrible shape, I am really excited. I miss soccer a lot. A lot a lot. Oh the pain, I can almost feel it now.
Anyway, plenty more contemplations in my future. I remain optimistic.
It feels like life is cyclical, as usual For some reason I believe that this time around I am in a good position to make the right choices, instead of letting things just continue as is in the safety of the known and my own inaction. To be or not to be lol.
The prospect of moving is coming closer to reality, and I am excited. Worried? Maybe a bit, but for some reason it just feels right. There are bigger things I worry about. I secretly love to move. It is a new start. A new opportunity to reorganize your life. How often do you get that kind of chance? It is similar to rearranging your living room or something. I knew few people can appreciate the appeal of things things (as they are also usually a general pain) but they are almost therapeutic for me at times. Just like reinstalling my computer :)
Speaking of computers, I have officially bought a apple product. No laptop or anything, but a airport extreme base station. I was fed up with the last two network routers that I bought, and the airport has the ability to host hard drives and printers on the network through a usb hub. This in addition to the 802.11n support made it unlike anything else on the market (and also exactly what I needed). Unfortunately it doesn't support NTFS which means I have to find a way to dump my two portable hdd's which also unfortunately nearly full. When all is said and done it should be awesome, despite having to admit that this post, as well as all of my online presence is now flowing through mac hardware :P Sabrina is tapping her fingers satisfied in step one of her evil plan to convert me. Just one thing to say, not until I have unlimited disposable income!!! :) Oh, and when you go to their store, they will email you a receipt instead of printing one out. How cool is that?!?!
I am starting a co-ed soccer league soon. Despite being in horrible shape, I am really excited. I miss soccer a lot. A lot a lot. Oh the pain, I can almost feel it now.
Anyway, plenty more contemplations in my future. I remain optimistic.
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